Activism in Aotearoa - mural completion

Jalen with my completed mural at VUW

Party time! My mural is (finally) complete. I'm going to make a little confession... I think I'm falling in love again. I've met a really nice guy and yesterday I promised myself that IF I managed to finally complete the mural I would reward myself with a day off from painting and uni to hang with him. What awesome motivation! After months of dragging my feet it finally came together in one clear, frosty Wellington winter afternoon. At 3pm, I had to pause and get Jalen from school but instead of my usual routine of packing up and returning on the next fine, free day I went and asked my son for a wee favour...
'What?' He rolled his eyes at me. 'Let me guess... something at uni!'
'Mmmm, right, I really need some help to get my mural finished.' I replied. 'Will you please come up and film me putting the finishing touches on my painting?'
A couple of bribes later we were on our way...

Jalen created this great little clip (hehe - kept him busy) and if you can handle his 10 year-old sway n jiggle motion technique it is worth checking out. He observes and grills the artist as she works and gets to the heart of the mural with the open sincerity and candor of youth.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BVN3ks_jw5A

Ahhhh, Xena! (Mural update)

Finally! A whole weekend of sun that coincides with Jalen being with his dad. I feel really happy with how the mural at VUW is progressing. I can almost see the end (happy face, sad face, happy face). Even though my back and neck ache from painting figures higher than my head, even though I ended Saturday painting in the dark (red looks brown but it isn't), even though it was still fr-fr-freezing... standing in front of that wall painting makes me feel whole and happy and at peace. Feeling cold, hungry and tired doesn't even register when I get to do the thing I love.

Its definitely WORK but... other people hate working and get paid, whereas I love my creative work but usually don't get paid much. The mural is an unpaid gig but to me its worth all the time and energy I'm putting in. I love the challenge. Physically and psychologically this work has pushed me. Other murals I've painted were completed off site - in my warm, comfy home with light, heat, music, food, etc - and then installed afterwards. This project is coming to life with an audience of hundreds walking past. They are noisy and many of them want to stop and chat and ask questions - bless their friendly souls. Even the ones who clearly know little English stop and say - 'Ahhhh, Xena! Very good!' The surroundings are oppressive with walls all around me and 4 tall buildings blocking out the sun. Directly above my head is a giant crane that probably won't drop anything on my head... I hope. The wind howls through the pathway and the noise from the construction site is shattering. But still... I love it.

It is still a work in progress but here are a couple of pics...

The Sublime in Art

Over a few glasses of wine, a wise friend of mine articulated the sublime in art in a way that showed real understanding of artistic intention. I want to try and share the gist of it but apologies if I mess it up now that I’m sober... I’ve included some of the philosophical definitions at the end. 

My friend defined the sublime in contrast with the profane which is common and measurable and a thing that we can understand and comprehend with our senses and reason. Something that is sublime, on the other hand, is boundless, fathomless and impossible to define. We were discussing the Rastafari ideology of finding faith and inspiration within oneself instead of having a set of religious rules imposed dogmatically. The Bible for Rastas is a sublime pathway to a self-defined sense of rightness and my friend and I likened that to way artists often refuse to explain their paintings or artforms. 

Below are a few works that have very specific associations for me. They were inspired by a time, place, person or experience. When you look at them they may remind you of someone you know, or of yourself at times, or a memory, or an experience... My specific is not greater or more correct than yours so sharing my PERSONAL meaning is more likely to detract from your connection to my art than to enhance it. My painting should ideally be able to speak to you, perhaps even inspire you to a thought, feeling or action that is internally driven. You, the viewer, have the power to unlock the mysteries and meanings in each work that are relevant and specific to YOU.

The sublime is often related to a feeling of awe and humility before something much greater than our selves. It relates to the sense of being a tiny, frail and insignificant being but simultaneously being part of something enormous and important like nature and the Earth we stand on, the cosmos, or a shared belief and purpose. Art is sublime for existing through barriers of time and space that people can’t pass through to inspire and communicate with many people in many different ways. When we look at art, we can feel connected to its history and a shared experience but hopefully are also aware of, and value, the unique and personal interaction with it. Art won't always speak to you but I hope you will always try to listen.

Kant - Sublime shows ‘a faculty of the mind surpassing every standard of Sense.’ 

Schopenhauer - A range from beautiful to sublime that changes as feelings of danger and mortality increase while viewing art or objects.

Hegel - A formless aesthetic inspires an overwhelming sense of awe.

Victor Hugo - A combination of the grotesque and beautiful.

Jean-Francois Lyotard - Rhetoric and ambiguity of meaning reveals the multiplicity and instability of the postmodern world.

Roller Derby at Dr. Sketchy

Last Saturday was a good day for art and fun. Below are some of my drawings from the wonderful Dr. Sketchy session. Our models this month were the fabulous Richter City Roller Derby girls:

Kiri te Karnage, Isla B Damned, Skatchel Hunter, Lolo Morals, Princess Slayer, Skanda Lass, Orange Ruffie and Thigh Voltage. I love their bright outfits and kick ass attitude - totally hot!

I somehow managed to spill a little turps into my box of pastels. It melted the plastic in a pretty disturbing/impressive way. So if you have ever thought about drinking the stuff - don't ok? Have vodka instead. Mine went down pretty nicely as I sat on a cute little couch drawing. All around me were the bags and gear of the derby girls and - no offense ladies - some of that stuff stunk pretty bad! These girls work hard out on the track, racing and blocking and smashing each other around and they work up some hot, heavy (stinky) sweat. I'm not sure my drawings quite captured that? Its kind of Olympic cyclist, meets wrestling federation, meets pitbull, meets girls just wanna have fun... or something? With skates on. If you haven't seen a match yet I highly recommend it - great entertainment!

A link to Roller Derby Wellington: http://www.richtercity.co.nz/

Summer Drawing (Summer Bliss)

I am definitely a sun-loving lady and now the weather is turning and the temperature dropping for the Wellington Winter, I have started pining for my summer dresses and singlets. Winter is the time I like to hibernate. The vibe (for painting) is completely different. For a start it is hard to focus and relax into that blissful painting zone when my fingers and toes are going numb with the cold!

And this last summer was a great one... Here are three pastel drawings I produced along the way...

The first was drawn in my Mum's garden. She has the kind of garden I want one day. Its kind of messy and magical, spread over a hectare of land in Kapiti. She has fruit trees, veges, flower beds, chooks... birds and bees and butterflies, gecko's and frogs... lucky for me she is pretty generous at sharing it! Jalen (my son) and I pitched a tent over the Christmas holidays and came and went from the garden like it was our own private oasis. When I'm there, I feel at peace, and refreshed, after too long in the dirty, noisy city. The garden changes all the time as the seasons change and plants fade or bloom. This view of the flower garden has changed dramatically after the recent house move (Mum's cottage was near a stream that kept flooding but has now been moved to a hill like a little cottage/castle in the center of its king (or queen) -dom.) It is a beautiful spot all year round but especially bright and colourful in its full summer glory.

This second pastel drawing was made at Otaki Forks, a beautiful entrance to the Tararua Forest Park not far from mum's place. One of the nicest things about summer is that it can be a sweet season for romance. I had a yummy romance last summer! On this warm, sunny day my soon-to-be lover and I explored the river (the water was icy cold), talked, cuddled and had a picnic lunch. I didn't realise before I met him that dating a person who is creative like me would make a big difference to the way I feel about painting and drawing. I used to feel GUILTY! Even when past partners seemed supportive, I never felt that they UNDERSTOOD the driving need to create - how it grabs you - anytime - day or night - and can kind of enslave you for a while - get you excited - get you high. I could sometimes feel a partner's frustration, jealousy or boredom but with Dean it didn't feel like that at all. I found a beautiful spot at the river bed and laid out my supplies around me. Dean sat nearby with his guitar and played beautiful music, completely at ease with my attention being captured by paper and chalk, and totally happy to lose himself likewise in his playing. I could have sat there for hours. We probably did!

The third and final drawing is at Castlecliff beach in Whanganui. My son had a week with his dad so I took my tent, paint and togs on a bit of an art tour. Whanganui was the first stop up from Kapiti and after a long day of driving and painting I pitched my tent and had a hot spa to relieve my aching muscles (being an artist is physically hard work! At least it is how I do it!) I jumped out and threw a jacket over my togs as the sun began to set. Grabbing my drawing pad and box of pastels, I ran across the road in bare feet to capture the ocean view in the fading light. It was crisply cool and beautiful. Open sea and air from Whanganui to Australia. Just a few kms down the road was a spot where, earlier, I spent several hot, sweaty hours digging my car out of the sand hole I'd trapped it in. I was trying to find a sweet painting spot and the track I was driving on had seemed totally solid right up until the moment that it wasn't any more. And then it was too late. Luckily, some friendly holiday-goers came to my rescue with shovels and advice or, for all I know, my poor car could still be stuck there to this day. I never did get the painting done. So after an eventful day and a reviving soak,  I couldn't resist the subtle shades of the summer sunset fading over the beach. A couple had lit a fire, just as I did in Kapiti with my summer lover. Warm summer nights, bare feet in the sand, fires on the beach, camping out and digging the car free - these things make a blissful kiwi summer to me.

    

City Shakes

Heaving earth. Burning skies.
Water twists and trembles.
Colours slide. And fall.

My hand is steady. Covered in cool shades.
The World is tilting.
When will we feel safe again?
Secure?
Steady?
Stable?
Safe?

Japan, New Zealand, Chile, Haiti... who next?

I Love Dr. Sketchy

I love Dr. Sketchy! For $12 (unwaged) I can spend 3 hours at Mighty Mighty drawing some of the sexiest, fun-loving models around. Rachel Rouge runs it in Wellington and she keeps it spicy with a variety of entertainment for her artists. Yesterday, we had two pole dancers and a blue-tongued skink. The skink crawled up my chest and licked my neck (earning my vote for favourite model). Usually, the models keep more professional distance than that and strip tease from a safe distance. (Sigh*)

The shows have included lots of yummy burlesque, some funny cabaret, drag queens, belly dancing, circus acts and mexican wrestling... The performances bring out the life and personality of the models so that when the time comes to draw them I feel like I can really bring out their character. Its fun, bright, dynamic and colourful and I feel so lucky we have such a great event for artists every month in Welly. THANKS DR. SKETCHY (I love you x)

I love the artists who come too - to chat, relax, have a drink, whistle and cheer when the acts get raunchy, and fall into that collective trance/zone when the poses are set and the models are laid out for our creative pleasure. I don’t know if there is a collective noun for artists... when I googled it I got ‘a sketch of artists’, ‘a starvation of artists’ (and worse). But in the sun-drenched Mighty Mighty bar at 4 on a Saturday afternoon, surrounded by pink velvet curtains, mirror ball reflections and feathered, sequined, half-naked models... I feel like I’m part of a ‘perve’ of artists. And not in a dirty strip joint way. Just in a very focused, thank-you for letting me absorb you with my eyeballs, ‘flâneur at rest’ kind of way. 

Christchurch Blues...

On Tuesday 22 February, my boyfriend contacted me from Christchurch. The earthquake threw him across the room at the Polytech where he was teaching rope access but he was safe. He is big and strong, with skills in first aid and survival, so he and other tutors from the Polytech  went into the city to offer whatever help they could. I felt so afraid for him. But proud, too, that he was brave and selfless enough to risk his life to help others. The buildings had warped, slid and toppled onto cars, buses, pedestrians, and workers. Cracks had opened up the roads to expose the earth below. Smoke filled the air and screams. The ground continued to shake again and again...

In Wellington, I stood in front of my mural at Victoria University and tried to find the will to continue working. I couldn’t. I packed up and walked home as fast as I could to be close to my son Jalen. It was surreal to know that my partner was in crisis mode when all around me people were walking, talking, laughing and going on with their day. The news had not reached them yet. Even though in Wellington it was just another day, I felt afraid. The day seemed suddenly dark and ominous. Could Wellington be next?

Dean did everything he could do. The sights, sounds and smells of those days will be with him forever. I felt guilty that I wasn’t there to share that with him. But what good would I be? I asked myself. I don’t have special skills or particular physical strength. At best I could bring food and drink, or offer a hug when the grisly task of recovering dead bodies became too much for the Search and Rescue people to bear. But miles away in Wellington, I couldn’t even offer those small comforts. 

People have flooded out of Christchurch and others have flooded in. People with useful skills including: Search and rescue, engineering, counseling, social work, construction, etc. And part of me wishes that I had something more practical and more useful to offer than ‘art’. Like one more of the unending shockwaves, our relationship shook and collapsed around us... at the heart level, leaving two more casualties. The painting below is my tribute to everyone who was touched by the tragedy, and who did all that they could do, and especially to the brave ones who began the rescue effort just after the quake hit... And I hope it will be therapy for my Christchurch blues.

'All that I can do', March 2011

What is it? WHAT is it? What IS IT????

I'm sorry if you stopped to chat today and I was not quite as friendly as usual. We're still mates, right? It's just that you drive me a little crazy sometimes...

'What is it?' She asked...
'Is that a sword?'
'Is she stabbing a child?'
'...no, I'm pretty sure that's a chicken.' (Its NOT.)

I know you are interested and I like that you are interested but pleeeease don't ask me 'What is it?'

First up, it makes me feel like a six year old bringing her crayon drawing home to mum. 'It's lovely, dear! What is it?'

The answer is... This is a partly painted mural that will take another two weeks to complete if the weather stays fine.

'Yeah, but what IS it?'

Well, OK, its kind of landscapey and kind of political BUT I'd rather not say more.

Maybe its hard to understand. It probably doesn't make sense but here are the other reasons...

>Secondly, I don't want to JINX it. (Superstitious?)
>Thirdly, I've just started painting it. Its still evolving. Who KNOWs what it will really be in the end. I don't! That would take all the fun out of painting it. (I have a rough idea.)
>Finally, there is no good reaction to knowing what it is.... let me explain...

POSITIVE
'Oh wow!' You say. 'I can see it all now. It is going to be the best mural ever!' If you already have my unpainted mural in your head then there is no point in me painting it is there?

NEGATIVE
'Oh wow!' You say. 'That sounds terrible. You can't paint that!' Well, guess what? I'm going to paint it anyway but now I'll probably be defensive and insecure about it. Thanks.


AMBIVALENT
'Oh.' That just hurts! I'd prefer you to hate it!


In a couple of weeks, when my mural is all finished, you are welcome to come and ask me if it really is still that incomprehensible to you... 'Abby, what is it? What have you painted? Explain it all to me!'

Just give me a chance to show you first, OK?
HUGS* the artist

Blank wall fetish

Last Wednesday, I visited Kate at uni to discuss a mural project around the construction site at VUW. “You need to give me the dates you will be painting,” she explained. “I’ll pass them on to my boss, who will talk to the site manager, who will consider our proposal, respond to my boss, who will tell me, and then I’ll email you.” I looked out her office window. The construction site was a hundred metres away. “Can’t I just go ask the guy myself?” I asked. That isn’t an option. There are protocols to these things at a place like uni.

There are two days of sun and I waited impatiently for the go ahead. It was pretty frustrating. Up at uni there is a big beautiful, blank white piece of wall that belongs to me. I want it bad. Seriously! Honestly! I was gagging to rub my hairy brushes all over that baby.

Today was the day... GO! I packed up buckets, tins of paint, brushes, a drop cloth, lunch, water, etc. I loaded myself up and started the 30min walk up to uni. I wear ripped, paint splattered jeans, singlet and sneakers. It’s going to be a messy day. As I walk, I build the picture I want to create in my mind and feel myself falling into that meditative trance where creative expression thrives. It is a great feeling. 

A third of the way there, my arms start burning. I have a bag over each shoulder and a bucket in each hand. I’m starting to ACHE. But I don’t care. I feel like a gung ho, working class artist. By the time I reach the steep hill the endorphins have kicked in, numbing the pain and feeding my natural high. Paint, paint, paint, PAINT!

I finally reach the site and drop all my gear. I just want to sit and gaze lovingly at my wall in all its shining potential. I eat. This is REALLY important. Once I start painting, hours will pass like minutes and I will forget about food and water and other petty distractions from painting. Hours later I’ll think to myself... wow, I’m really cold! Or... hey, how long have I been needing to pee? But right now, as I eat, gaze and dream up colourful pictures... the world sharpens and shrinks into a tiny space made just for me and my wall. Blank wall. MY BLANK WALL.

That’s when the rain started falling...  

Respectable living (Pricing Art 2)

What is 'a respectable living'? Enough to comfortably pay the bills, own your own home, feed your family, go on holiday once a year...? According to 'the Salary Guide' (Trade Me) Median incomes in NZ in 2010 range from $35 - $75K. So aiming for $50K a year as an artist seems reasonable...

When I left art school and began to sell works I had a lot of support from friends and family who wanted to buy my paintings (You guys rock x)... Most could afford to pay around $100 for a small artwork. To bring in $50K I would have to create 500 small works every year (1.4 each day) and sell every one of them! My larger works sold for up to $3,000... but they took several months to paint. I would need to create and sell 17 per year... giving me just 3 weeks on each work. In reality, the best works from start to finish, may take 3 months or more to create so the prices would need to be in the $12 - 15K range in order to make a living.

The big problem with the calculations is that your sale price is not your income... There are material costs (paint is expensive!), studio and gallery hire, running costs, marketing, etc, and so on...

Yet there are some great artists in Wellington who are creating large works and pricing them between $3,000 and $12,000 and making their respectable living. It's POSSIBLE!

I recently went to an exhibition of beautiful works where the artist offered it all. Small works for $300-400, huge paintings for $5,000-$8,000 and even rough sketches for $20-100. This is SMART pricing. Everybody can take a piece of you home (I mean your art) for the price they can afford!

(So that is this artist's modest dream this year... to paint, draw and create my way towards that respectable living. Ooh Aah... respectable living... mmmmm... respectable living, etc.)

Pricing Art

Maybe this is a romantic fantasy... but I sometimes think back to a time when people lived and shared communally to the strength and benefit of all the people. I imagine the artists, the storytellers, the carvers, weavers and musicians as respected and valued members of the group, free to gift or exchange their skills and products not to some fixed value but as seems right. The more money-orientated societies become, the more most artists struggle to live and practice their craft... and sometimes they are dismissed as hippie, commie, dipsy, flakey, lazy, eccentric, degenerate, renegade, or space-cadets. Recent research suggests that this is because many artists are strongly right-brain thinkers... intuitive, holistic, creative as opposed to left-brain rational, logical thinkers. (A quiz at the following link tests whether you are a right or left thinking artist http://painting.about.com/library/quiz/blquiz-rightbrain2.htm - I'm strongly right-brain.) So managing the financial and administrative side of an art career is really difficult for some artists!

I recently read 'The Life of Benvenuto Cellini' an autobiography by an artist/sculptor from Renaissance Italy - a great book full of art, scandal, romance,  and violence. Cellini has a hot-temper and often fights (with fists, sword or gun)  for payments, materials or just reward for his creative labour. All he wants is the means to undertake creative projects but even late in life he struggles with pricing... When Duke Cosimo I Medici asked the price of Cellini's statue of Perseus (pictured below) Cellini felt furious... he wanted to create for the joy of creation, to be able to present his labour as a gift and to be handsomely rewarded in return with praise, financial security and more commissions - new opportunities to practice his art. He knows the true value of his unique, original work is immeasurable... far beyond the costs of material and labour.

On the other hand, deep down in their souls, many artists feel that art should rightly be free (or at least affordable) to all instead of the property of society's wealthiest few.

So how do artists make a respectable living creating works valued somewhere between $0 and infinity?
Most don't.

But some do... I'll blog more on them tomorrow...

Benvenuto Cellini's Perseus (wikicommons)

Creation/Destruction

Last year was a hard one for me including the end of a serious relationship, the end of the NGO where I worked part time with lovely, passionate, like-minded people... actually it seemed like all of the roads I thought I was traveling along turned out to be dead ends. I felt a little lost - my soul was dry, my light was gone - I knew where I was but I had lost where I was going. I was in that winter cycle where everything is destroyed to create a space for new beginnings.

At times like that, when you are resting and nurturing, regaining strength and returning to your truest self, it is a time for questions like... what do you love the most? ...what kind of life do you want to live? ...who do you really want to be? For me, that includes family, friends, happy laughter, natural healthy living... but art and creativity have to play a big part or I'm just not whole.

I was lucky to be involved in some great outlets for creativity last year (I'll come back to some of them) but one was especially related to the creation/destruction cycle... we called it 'Art Therapy A.K.A. Demolish the Quad'. I was at Victoria University in 2010 doing a couple of Art History honours papers and started an Art and culture society up there. In collaboration with VUWSA and Studio and a bunch of arty creatives, we let the students loose on the quad with all the art supplies we could get our hands on. The space was transformed from cold, grey, lifeless concrete into a multi-coloured wonderland. This delightfully cooperative, anarchic, chaotic, creative freedom came about because the quad was due to be destroyed during upcoming renovations. Sure enough, today a giant muddy hole has been hollowed out where the quad once stood and most of our creative work was destroyed. But sometimes life is like that... a series of building up and tearing down... replacing old with new. It is that natural cycle... but strangely art seems to transcend it. People are born and die, civilisations rise and fall but ART... images, stories, objects and songs... stay with us, passing through the generations to inspire or teach us again and again.

(Thanks to Rachel Brandon and Esther page for the use of their photos below... you can see more of Rachels pics at http://www.facebook.com/album.php?fbid=10150288913930577&id=831370576&aid=554096)

And a few extra links on this event if you are interested....

http://www.flickr.com/photos/45442154@N02/sets/72157625012907193/show/

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=284220&id=285779926080

http://www.stuff.co.nz/dominion-post/news/wellington/4225717/Students-splash-out-during-quadrangles-last-days

Getting Started...

When it comes time to start things do you ever get that tension in your belly, like nervous butterflies, a reluctance to take that first step... just in case it takes you somewhere you don't want to go? I have been like that with my arts career. I have been an artist since I was born in hindsight... but I didn't come out of the closet (so to speak) and openly declare my self AN ARTIST until my son was born and I had spent several blissful years at art school where I could finally be my true creative self surrounded by people who understand that sharp jolt of inspiration and the sometimes calm, sometimes chaotic but always consuming drive to breathe solid life into your brightest imaginings.

Artists have a reputation for being a little crazy... maybe that's true? Maybe our brains just work a little differently? Maybe the openness to a potential that weaves reality into fantasy, and sometimes fantasy into reality, changes not only the way you look at the world but the way the world looks at you. And you can't go back, even if you want to.

That's just one of the scary things about being an artist... I'm hoping this blog will reveal some truths about art and artists, so if you are creative and my words strike a chord... please post with me. This year I have a great deal of work to do, skills to learn and fears to overcome as I establish my arts business. And along the way... art glorious art!